He blessed me saying I could be a good teacher for he thought I explain things very well. He understood and felt sorry for such a deed. Just as my clan, my caste, my religion are all determined by God, the same is with my sexuality. I tried to explain to my grandfather that I was born with my sexual orientation. I recovered, but unfortunately for the whole family, it was a great shock that this punishment didn't work well upon me.
She took me to a doctor and I was under medications for a few weeks. As more pain would be inflicted, you would never try to do this 'abnormal' act."
He answered, to my shock: "You are punished because you are gay. His sadistic pleasure gave me pain, till one fine day I asked him why he did this. The following night, he didn't tie my hands and legs. That night I bled a lot, but he didn't stop. He removed the handkerchief so that he could hear me groan. I requested him not to do as it was hurting me. The next night, it happened again - this time in the wee hours and with more vigour. He gave me those villainy smiles and gazes. His brother was happy about the decision. I demanded to go back but he scolded me and shut me up. When I complained about the incident to my uncle, he dismissed it. I fell asleep and woke up late afternoon. Later by dawn, he removed the handkerchief so that I could breathe. He even tied my mouth with a dirty handkerchief. I woke up when I realised that uncle was trying to penetrate me. As it was winter, we shared the same blanket. This uncle was around 21-22 years old, and had just finished his graduation.Īs the night darkened, creepy sounds could be heard. They were my father's 'chachaji's' (uncle) sons. I tried to object but my custodian uncle suggested his brother would sleep with me. As a 15-year-old, I was afraid of ghosts. After dinner, I was shocked to hear that I had to sleep alone in a room, adjacent to the storehouse of grains. The day I landed, I was greeted with the same love and warmth I was used to. On the contrary, I was super-excited as it had tea-gardens, ponds, paddy fields, the gorgeous Teesta flowing nearby, pristine greenery and tranquility. My naive mind couldn't fathom the dearth of the suggestive measure. My grandfather suggested I be sent to our village, almost 40 kilometres away, for a few weeks. Within hours, all the elders got together to decide the course of action for such a 'heinous' and 'abnormal' act. We enjoyed sex a few times, but unfortunately the first time we did it in my room in our house, we were caught red-handed. Our gaydars matched so well that we hooked up with each other within a few days. There was this guy, Sandeep, who happened to be my uncle's (chacha) bestie’s nephew. My sexual urges still found out ways of fulfillment It was the same with every young kid in the house. Maybe that's a way of sort of imposing disciplines into adolescent life. Who I mixed around with, what I did was always scrutinised. As I lived in a huge joint family, there were always eyes of surveillance. My mother was supportive of my sexuality. I befriended many guys from my neighbourhood and in the whole local town. Even when long winter vacations caged me into the premises of my home in Siliguri, my sexploring nature couldn't be controlled. My boarding life had almost made me enjoy sex with guys on a regular basis.